Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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