Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
