Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
