# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
