I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
