dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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