The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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