Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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