oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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