I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
