his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
