I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
