So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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