I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
