i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
