I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
