i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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