I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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