wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
