Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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