a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
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