When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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