If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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