I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's shark week go big or go home
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
