ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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