I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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