Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
