break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
