I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
