dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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