Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
