its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize