theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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