a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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