So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
