This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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