Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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