So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
