ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
