I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
where am i from again
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
