"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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