If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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