Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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