It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My cat gives me a boner
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
