Im at strip club and am horny
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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