so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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