i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
