it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
