I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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