just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
MIDGETS
????
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
