i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
