you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
