every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
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Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
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The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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