Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
