I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
