Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
