Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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