Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
