You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
