i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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