so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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