I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
