I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You left your phone here
Wait...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
