Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.

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(757): View more from Virginia

Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.

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(614): View more from Ohio

Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?

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(325): View more from Texas

how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(585): View more from New York

there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken

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