I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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