Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken