I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
